The Loss

I keep my stable of slaves small on purpose, but that also means the losses cut deeper. The hardest one—one I still struggle to talk about.  Losing someone who wasn’t just a sub, but one of My closest friends. Even now, writing this, I can feel that knot rising in My throat. We spent years together, often talking on the phone three or four nights a week, sharing plans, laughter, frustrations, dreams. He was loyal, devoted, funny, very stubborn, insightful and he understood Me in a way that only time and trust can create.

Nothing will ever replace My puppy steve - no dynamic, no new connection, no fresh excitement. And honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone I bond with in that exact way again. He left a void, a quiet space in My life where his presence used to sit so comfortably. I wasn’t prepared for how suddenly he would be gone. I don’t think anyone ever is.

A few months before his unexpected departure, he said something that still rings in My head everyday. 
“Fuck it .. let’s go to the Keys and figure it out when we get there.”
I remember laughing and telling him I couldn’t. I have a job, a family, responsibilities. A life that doesn’t  allow for spontaneous escape. But now? Part of Me aches at the thought. If I had known what was coming, I would have spent his last months on this planet with him, been there 24/7, no questions asked, no hesitation. Just: “Fuck it. Let’s go.”

I can’t change that. I can’t get that time back. What I can do is honor what he was to Me: My loyal sub and My devoted servan,  2007 to 2024. Rest in peace, My friend. you will always be an important part of My story, still part of my heart.